Monster Bugs

So when I found out my placement in Japan when I first got this Job I was really excited because I was placed in a city. Sometimes cities and prefectures (prefectures are similar to States) have the same name, but I was positive I was going to live in a city because the name of the city was followed by 市(shi) which translates directly as “city”. There was no mistake. I would be living in Kobe City. Right? ……wrong. 

Japan has a very different interpretation on boundary drawing. Officially I live in Kobe-shi, but the truth is I live in the countryside. The CITY part of the city is on the other side of the mountain. (It can be reached in 15 minutes or so by a train that goes through the mountain.) However, the major downfall of living in the countryside is not the inconvenience; the need to take the train to get daily essentials or the long walks……it’s the insect life.

Everything in Japan is tiny. The houses are tiny, the people are tiny, the cars are tiny, but the bugs are #%$&ing HUGE!!!!  AND, they come in every shape size and type. I’ve seen beetles with pincers and spiders the size of my palm (minus the fingers).

Apparently there are these five inch long centipedes that roam around the countryside, and if they bite you, your skin rots off that area and you have to go to the hospital. Awesome. Needless to say I do bug checks in my apartment every night before I go to bed, and make sure the tub is plugged so those suckers can’t crawl up the drain pipe. 

The cicadas are psychotic. They play dead on path, little legs sticking pathetically and they wait for you to approach. Just as you are about to step over them they spring to life, screeching an ungodly screech and fly full throttle into your face repeatedly until they give up and fly off. They are harmless, but they are huge and really ugly looking. The average cicada is maybe 1 ½ to 2 inches long and maybe ¾ of an inch thick. When they fly they are about the size of a small humming bird, and they make a SUPER loud noise. I’ve never experienced anything like it.

Their sound correlates to how hot it is, so when it clouds over they die down to a reasonable level, but when the clouds pass, if you are outside with your friends and you are near a group of cicadas, you’ll actually have a hard time hearing each other. 

The worst part of all is all of these critters like to hang out in hallways and staircases, so the 5 stories of outside staircase standing between me and my apartment is INFESTED with these lovelies. They are on the floors, ceilings, and the spiders (which are the creepiest spiders you with EVER see, black with flecks of yellow, or big bulbous bodies with gray, spindly little legs.) love to play, “how low can you go?” 

This is a game in which the spiders build the biggest possible web in the stairwell that they can, so big that even a short 5’ 4” individual like me will run into the webs, face first, if I’m not paying attention. The process of getting to my apartment is god awful. I take the outdoor elevator to the 4^th floor (it only goes to floors 1, 4, and 7) so I only have to deal with one flight of stairs. Then I check out the web situation before I get out of the elevator. I duck and make my way up the stairs, head covered until I reach my apartment on the 5^th floor. The ceilings are high enough outside the apartments that I usually don’t have to worry, so I fish my keys out of my purse, look around to make sure there is no airborne insect incoming and then quickly burst into my apartment so nothing gets in. Then I check the entrance to my apartment to make sure that nothing followed me. If you all don’t believe me, I hear you can go to this site, JapaneseBugFights.com. I would post pictures, but looking at these bugs in real life is bad enough. I’ll let you do your own research.

Japanese Punishment

There are many ways to live in Japan. Some people marry into the country, while others find employment through their company. However the path many choose is that of the English Teacher. Being hired as an English Teacher almost inevitably requires some sort of orientation program before you shift into the duties of your Job, no matter what company you choose. The truth is, many who enter through the instructor profession have never been to Japan before nor do they speak the language, so the week of “how to survive in Japan 101” is ultra necessary. So as you’ve might have guessed, as a future teacher of English, I too had to endure the “orientation”. 

If there is one thing the Japanese truly love, it is ceremony. Ceremony ceremony ceremony! There is an opening and closing ceremony for EVERYTHING whether it is important or not. As a result, our orientation was filled with ceremony. There was an opening ceremony in which half a dozen little old Japanese men were escorted on stage by white gloved butlers in meticulously pressed suits, so they could give their inspirational speeches to the incoming teachers all in broken English (dubbed Engrish due to the Japanese’s’ inability to pronounce L). 

These little old men ranging in importance (and seated in corresponding order) oversaw parts of the orientation, and as a result of their presence, certain topics regarding the Japanese educational system became embarrassing to explain for the foreigners in charge of the orientation. One topic in particular stood out, as I watched Caucasian speaker after speaker bring up the Japanese disciplinary rules for students and then quickly skirt around the issue. Let me give you an example of how the speeches about culture shock usually went.

“When I first started my Job teaching in my local middle school certain things were hard to get used to because of cultural differences, especially in regards to how the Japanese deal with discipline. You almost feel like you’re going crazy when you see it, because no one else seems to notice the problem with what is happening. Just remember they handle things differently here, and it isn’t your responsibility to discipline students, so just stay out of it.” Subject dropped. The term “feel like you are going crazy” and “I still don’t really get it” permeated the speeches that attempted to tackle the issues, but never were specific examples raised, nor advice dispensed except “just stay out of it”.

I was truly puzzled. What are the Japanese doing to their children? Are they boiling them alive or something? Luckily, upon arrival to my town my question was answered. 

The other thing the Japanese love is the learning experience, especially when it comes to tragedy. The area I’m stationed in suffered a catastrophic earthquake back in 1995 that destroyed the city completely and killed over 6,000 people, so of course a museum was erected to teach the Japanese all about how they fell out of harmony with nature and that’s why so many people died. But thanks to the tragedy they were reminded of the importance of working with nature so they were able to re-build the city with buildings that won’t fall down. 

After about an hour or so of graphic footage, life size walk through displays of earthquake devastated cityscape, and photo after photo of the reconstruction effort, I began nearing the exit and was waiting for my orientation group to catch up for me. (Nothing makes you want a one way ticket back to the states more than watching footage of the very city you’re living in get leveled over and over again). I was loitering near the exit when a little old man in charge of that area of the museum hobbles over to me and initiate conversation, all in Japanese.

Curator: Hello, Where are you from?

Me: I’m from America.

Curator: America is very big, what state are you from?

Me: Connecticut

Curator: Connecticut?........That really doesn’t mean anything to me.

Me: Oh, sorry, it’s near New York.

Curator: Ah, Near New York…..Why have you come to Japan?

Me:  I’m going to be a, English teacher

Curator: An English teacher? What school?

Me: XXXX Middle School.

Curator: Ah, that’s nice isn’t it. Is this your first time in Japan?

Me: No actually I studied at Kansai Gaidai University in Hirakata for one year before this.

Curator:  Ah, that’s nice…….(awkward silence…..I look around at the photos) Are there earthquakes in Connecticut?

Me: No, not at all. 

Curator: Well, Japan has lots of them so don’t be surprised when everything starts shaking!

Me: Ah, that’s so scary!

(long pause)

Curator:  Well…If the kids give you any trouble, you know…(he makes a hammer motion with his fist and utters “Bon!” the Japanese onomanipia for hitting something and grins ear to ear). Okay? Please try your hardest!

Me: I will! (with a bow)

(He hobbles off the attend to his duties)

Disciplinary question answered.